Disagreements

Yeah, I'm going there.

Matt and I had one of our famous (in our eyes) disagreements Friday night. I call it a disagreement or discussion. Matt calls it fighting and arguing. Well, whatever you want to call it we had a big one! It was late (think 2:00 AM) and Avalyn was still awake. This usually does not make for a good night. To top it off, we all have colds. I had been up since 7:00 AM at this point, and Matt got up around five-ish PM. When Matt is sick, he likes to sleep. When I'm sick I like to watch TV, read, and veg out.

Avalyn had been sleeping but woke up around 11:30 PM, right before I was about to crawl in bed. I tried to get her down, but she would not have it. At about 1:00 AM I told Matt I was going to try to get Avalyn down again. Matt said he was going to try to sleep, too.

*Insert angry glare from me here*

You see, when Avalyn won't go down nicely, it means I have to lay in bed with her until she falls asleep - which means I usually fall asleep. Avalyn fusses for about 10 minutes before settling down on days like that - Matt can't fall asleep when there's a baby fussing. Usually, when we are in this situation I end up on the futon in Avalyn's room. Not fun for me when I'm sick. When I don't feel well, I like my nice, soft, inviting bed. I don't look forward to sleeping on Avalyn's firm mattress. So, I got mad at Matt and basically told him that he was being rude for making me sleep in Avalyn's room when I was sick.

It snowballed from there. We ended up arguing (again) about Avalyn's sleeping habits. She usually ends up in our bed around 3:00 AM, what can I say? She's my little snuggle bug! I don't mind, I have never minded sharing my room with her. Matt doesn't care either (usually) because his sleep isn't disturbed. When he's mad though, that's the first thing he attacks. His exact words were: "We need to break her, and make her sleep in her own room before we have another baby."

This made me want to cry. I don't want a broken baby! She's perfect! Why would I want to break her? I said this out loud, too. This prompted Matt to get to the real issue on his mind: Keith. Apparently, he thinks I don't care about him and care more for Avalyn. Keith never slept in our room and Avalyn does which in Matt's mind means I love Avalyn more. Little does Matt know, Keith has slept in our room when he has nightmares or just needs some extra affection. Does he go to Matt's side of the bed? No. He comes to me. I'm not the kind of person who is going to tell a kid to go away when they're scared or need comfort. Not going to happen!

All that aside though, I do feel differently towards Keith. I told Matt this, and I have told him several times before the argument as well. I don't know if it's because he's nine and Avalyn's one, or if it's because he's a boy and she's a girl, or if it is because he's my step son and she's my blood daughter. I don't know! Of course I will treat a nine-year-old differently than a one-year-old! Sorry, Avalyn can't do chores, and Keith doesn't need diaper changes.

Matt thinks I don't give Keith enough affection. I meet all of his needs, get him off to school, make his lunches, snacks, dinners, help him with his homework, play with him, I helped him learn to talk, potty trained him, bandaged his owies, and all of the things that go into being a mom... but Matt is right, Keith doesn't get a lot of physical affection from me. But it isn't because I don't try. Keith has said (and I'm quoting him), "I give hugs and kisses to my Dominique, I like her hugs better than yours, so I don't need yours."

Fair enough. I'm not going to force the kid to hug me. Matt says I should. He thinks I'm too hard on Keith as well. Sorry, but no. Matt is the one who spanks, I do not. Keith had been a royal brat all day. Lying and not listening, talking back and full out arguing. It was not a good day. My punishment? Chores. He ended up washing dishes by hand and taking out trash (among other things). Thank goodness for Facebook. I posted a cry for help, and my old neighbor gave me (and my Facebook friends) some great suggestions. We ran out that night to buy fake money to implement "fun dollars" as well as a few other crafts I found online. But I digress...

The fight that started with me being angry at Matt for taking the good bed, ended being out my lack of love for Keith. *Le sigh* Matt was angry and ended up going to the issue that had been weighing on him all day. I was tired and just wanted to resolve the dispute and go to sleep. Matt never did see it from my point of view, he never does when he's mad.

Oh well. I ended up sleeping in our bed with Matt, and Avalyn. She was oddly quiet and fell asleep next to me while Matt and I were still talking. She didn't fuss at all that night, maybe she knew it would upset Daddy if she did. Who knows. She's one smart cookie.

On Saturday night, I put Avalyn to bed at 9:00 PM. I had gone to bed at 1:00 AM and Matt was still up. I felt the bed shift and looked at my clock at 2:50 AM. When I heard Avalyn stir in the monitor, I turned it down and watched it quietly. Sometimes Avalyn can fall back asleep on her own, so I give her a minute or two to see. The monitor kept lighting up and small sounds were coming from her room. I was also worried to have a repeat of the night before. If I got up to get Avalyn, would Matt get all grumpy again? I wasn't looking forward to that, I just wanted to sleep.

I felt the bed shift again, and heard Avalyn's bedroom door open. In the monitor I heard Matt's voice say softly, "Hi sweetie!"

Moments later Matt was back in our room, putting our daughter into my arms. Just goes to show, he doesn't want a broken baby either. I made the comment, "I thought you wanted her to cry it out, and self sooth."

His exact words: "Maybe you can do it, but I can't."

Knew it. :)