At about 10:15 PM Avalyn woke up, which is pretty normal. She usually wants to nurse and cuddle for a bit and falls back to sleep. Well, I thought (stupidly), "She fell asleep by herself once, she can probably do it again." I gave her five minutes. Five minutes that felt like five hours. Seriously that girl can scream!
When I got to her room, her face was covered in tears and her nose was running, and when she saw me she let out a miserable, "Mama..." Oh, I felt so bad. "The worst Mommy award goes to... * drum-roll*" Well, after that all she wanted to do was snuggle and nurse. She was attached to me for a good hour before I had to get up and use the bathroom. Then I had to do all my night time rituals such as; wash up, take a vitamin, make sure everything is off, make sure the alarms are on, etc. Well, I couldn't bring her with me so I told her I'd be right back. This just made her even more angry.
In the end she stayed in my room, in my bed, attached to me all night. This is why she can't cry it out. My independent child turns into the worlds most clingy, needy, baby. I looked into the behavior on Dr. Sear's webpage and found this:
"Use the "don't offer, don't refuse" method. Don't go out of your way to remind her to nurse. However, if your child persists, or her behavior deteriorates, this may indicate that breastfeeding is still a need rather than a want. Watch your child and trust your intuition.
"Expect breastfeeding to increase during times of illness. These are times when your child needs comfort and an immune system boost."
Avalyn does have a cold, and I suppose that if she does ask for it with such vigor it means there is a need. The only problem is extended breastfeeding is hard. Not for me or Avalyn, but for society. I can't tell you how many times I've been told to stop. I don't nurse in public or even tell people I'm still breastfeeding (except if someone directly asks, or if I ask a doctor if a medication or procedure could interfere with it), but the stigma is still there. I also don't have a support network so that makes it harder. Matt wants me to stop, which just makes it worse. If I should have anyone's support it should be my husband. Maybe I'm living in a fairyland.
Thankfully today Avalyn is back to her happy self and if she wants to nurse I'll let her. I'm not going to do what I did last night again. Not until she understands exactly what I'm saying, anyway.
My little sicky.
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